When it gets really quiet, I lay in bed watching the candle flicker until I reach over and smother the flame. I breathe deeply and sink into my mattress. I should relax and drift off to sleep. But first my brain has to tell me about the things I’m missing. I breathe and remind myself that I’m enough.
I dont need dark things anymore. I have so much light, an abundance of light. I have sabotaged any healthy forward motion I’ve ever created. Well, I’m not going to take all the blame.
It doesn’t really matter who is to blame when it all leads back to me laying in the bed, trying to be mindful of my breathing.
I guess in ways that meth and mania aren’t good for a person but sometimes touching the fire is worth getting burned, its like that in my head when I can’t sleep at night.
Sometimes monsters are under my bed.