Finding the places I fit…

I was holding my breath, waiting for something. I’d go to work and come home. I wasn’t lonely or desperate. I have purposely filled my life with people that love me, people I love.

I didn’t seek out a relationship with any zest although I bemoaned the lack of intimacy to my friends. My daughter said “Date a girl. Guys suck.” I bounced around that idea until I decided I just didn’t want to date anyone.

Besides, I have Prince. But it’s more than a physical fulfillment that I’m peaceful about.

I made decisions last year to not go backwards. So far, that’s working for me. I feel good. I’m content. I’m happy.

I got a crush that felt fun. We settled into a friendship that is unique and flirty.

I went out to Loda with Alicia. I go sit on Terry’s couch and he listens without judgement and gives me peace and insight. I reconnected with Richard and Amber and went to a Steampunk thing. I spent the night with Summer. I know Dame and Histy are mine. I look at Rhonda and Amanda and see acceptance and parts of myself. Desiree and Heather. Greg and Chris. Michelle. My childhood best friend Dawn, is moving home.

I talk to my brother and my sister and don’t take them for granted.

My children are evolving and finding their way. They are my best friends.

My life is full. I’m happy. Isn’t that a grand declaration? Like…. really for real. Happy.

Enter TheDaddyMan, his tribe, and The Chocolate Man.

Summer and I went to TheDaddyman’s house and he welcomed me as if I belonged. His wife, Audrey welcomed me as if I belonged. Brian, Christian, Katie and Fred all welcomed me as if I belonged. There’s wine and food and rope. There’s long conversations and cuddles on the couch. There’s spankings and connection. It feels like family. He tells me to come back soon because he likes when I’m there. Audrey says please come over more often. I realize I love them. And I smile at how wonderfully unexpected it is.

The Chocolate Man and I have known each other for years. We have stayed in touch sporadically. We will chat for a few days and not speak for months. I took for granted that we’d just be friends forever. But he needed a taste tester and when it comes to chocolate, I’m your girl. Everything unfolded organically until one moment he was my friend and the next he was the person I have to touch. I like being around him. It’s comforting and calm.

I never thought of myself as poly. I think maybe I was just doing poly wrong. But I really like that I can sleep in the bed with Summer and stuff can happen or not. I like that Brian and I cuddle and look at Audrey’s butt together. I like that TheDaddyMan wants to eat me alive. I really like that The Chocolate Man wants to kiss me midsentence and doesn’t mind when I bite him.

What I really, really like is that I fit in all of these places.

Finally.