Cancer PTSD… ya think?

My ex boyfriend told me to “get the fuck over it and quit being a professional victim”. My oncologist’s nurse told me “this is the price we pay”. My brother chastised me for not wearing the proper undergarments. My coworker told me I was “kinda obsessed with it”. When I tell you that I think of cancer or have to deal with something as a direct result of the cancer every single day, I’m not exaggerating. Yesterday I stood on the porch and had family members blow smoke and vape all around me and I thought about the rattling in my chest. I bent over and the fluid left over in my chest shifted, giving my brain the urge to connect old nerve endings, was enough to have to pause and regroup. I had to spend a significant amount of time convincing myself that I don’t have a breast even though my brain was telling me I did. I used the restroom and had to breathe through the bladder spasms that happen every time I urinate now since my hysterectomy. I could go on and on. It isn’t over. It’s never over. I’m going to use very strong language and I do so with purpose and intention. Having been forcibly raped, I can say with absolute certainty that I feel like cancer is a predator that raped my soul. My rapist’s name is Kelley. This feels remarkably similar in emotion and mentality. There you have it. Do I have PTSD?… Are you fucking kidding me?

In other news, the Sun is hot.


4 thoughts on “Cancer PTSD… ya think?

  1. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I have a different cancer but feel very much the same way- PTSD for sure. Thinking of you and hoping we find a way to get through it and enjoy our lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kitten, my sister had breast cancer. She fought valiantly for four years prior to succumbing. You talk about it, you fight against it, you learn all you can about your enemy. I will always listen. You live your life, find joy and live where you can.


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