Recently it was asked of me to name a time when I had good judgment. 😕
Yes, it pretty much came out like that and I was insulted but it also got me thinking. I have thought about this question a lot.
It was pointed out to me that perhaps my blog has become a collection of mistakes I write about. Or a catalog of my mishaps. I don’t see it that way.
I have had this blog for over two years and I have less than 100 posts. Over 730 days with less than 100 posts. But who wants to read “I went to work, paid the bills, the girls are fine, I made all these great decisions, life is grand.” And I’ll be good and damned if I’m going to apologise for any of it. This is my life, it’s always been like this. For as long as I can remember I’ve had some kind of chaos or catastrophe.
Look, I had a bad scene or three. But I’ve also had exquisite moments of pleasure. I’ve been riddled with uncertainty and been absolutely steadfast.
I own every single thing that has happened. I never shifted blame or said poor pitiful me. I don’t play the victim because I’m not one.
Good judgement comes from bad experiences. Believe me, I’ve had my fair share.
I bought a house, a car, got a job and manage to pay all of my bills. I have fantastic children who are growing into amazing adults. I don’t ask for any help of any kind from anyone and I’m grateful when a kindness is extended to me. Guess why that is? Because I’ve learned the hard way to trust and rely on myself.
I’m not dating anyone and don’t participate in anything unsafe. Guess why that is?
Bad judgements? I suppose there’s been a few. Meeting a “friend” in a hotel room for a bit of fun, who knew rape was on the menu? Having a scene turn into a free for all, who would have guessed being among friends would have resulted in regrets? Dating an abusive narcissist while going through a divorce, who would have predicted I’d end up in the mental hospital?
I’m keenly aware of my decisions, every single one of them, because for the first 35 years of my life, I never made a single decision on my own.
I’ve had horrible judgement the last several years. I’ve been lost and afraid. But I’ve also grown. I’ve learned. And I own every single thing that has happened to me.
So yes I’ve had bad judgements.
But haven’t we all?