Better than this?

I just got back from the DMV. Both of them. Long story long, I moved and never got my tag renewal. Honestly it never occurred to me until I got pulled over and got a ticket. By that time I’d lost my job and let my insurance lapse…. So Youngest needs her license. We decide that since tommorow is my court date I’ll pay my ticket, get my tag, and reinstate my insurance before we head over and get her license. What can go wrong?

But I can handle this. It’s going to be fine.

Let me back up: everyone in the neighborhood has threatened to report me to animal control because Youngest’s baby loves to chase cars. Elder’s baby loves to pee and poop anywhere. So I make the adult decision to have a fence installed by the neighborhood shady handyman. He’s gonna cut me a deal. Only $2200.00 for half a fence. That’s all. And he assures me that he’s cutting me a deal. But I don’t know when or if I’ll have the funds again, so I get it done. Elder chips in $100.

But I can handle this. It’s going to be fine.

The first day both dogs escape the fence because my ground is uneven. He says that the top is level and that I should put some type of barricade on the ground to keep the dogs in. …. …. … Yeah.

I paid over two thousand dollars for basically nothing. I could have used that money to help my Middle fix her car. I could have used that money to pay off my medical bills. Or help my Elder pay her ticket…. But nope.

Then I suddenly remember I have my own ticket to pay. So I take the day off with a convenient lie about lab work.

But I can handle this. It’s going to be fine.

Reinstate my insurance? Check. Pay the ticket? Check. Get tag? Che…. Wait that’s a $200 fee plus the tag.

Remember that useless fence?

So this is all going to have to wait until next paycheck which I’ll be short on because I took the day off.

But I can handle this. It’s going to be fine.

Younger reminds me that I have a meeting tonight about her trip to Disney.

My hair has turned a really strange shade of orange and I don’t want to go. I’m anxious and angry. But I breathe. I can handle this.

Then trying to calm down, I remember a conversation I had in the parking lot of my work. A man walks to his car and sees me. He says “How do you stand working here? This place is horrible.” I explain that I need this job because of my health. I quickly explain the details. He stops and says “I’m going to go call my sister and remind her to do her self exam.” But then he leans closer and says “There are better jobs out there, Babe. You deserve better.” ….

The thing is: I’m always exactly where I need to be. Sitting in the DMV. Talking to the fence guy. At work. Talking to a guy in a parking lot. Want to know why?

Because I can handle this. It’s going to be fine.


One thought on “Better than this?

  1. I cannot click like on this. I’m here to support you, in my pitifully not-enough way, forever and always. You’re wonderfully accepting of not-enoughs and far too adept at self-critique. I’m gonna shoot off my big fat mouth and suggest that the people who love you need to do better by you.


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