*I only eat meat that has been deboned. It can be the best tasting steak you will ever eat, but I’d not touch it unless someone else cut the bone out of it, and I didn’t see.

*I dont eat orange M&M’s if I can help it.

*I only write with black pens.

*I wear mismatched socks more because I’m lazy than trendy, but I would like to point out I have been wearing them this way for 10 years.

*I can not stand when my hands are dirty or sticky. I will stop midsentence, and go wash my hands. It’s THE reason I don’t garden.

*I cry when I laugh and when I try to stop laughing I make a strange sound. It’s not attractive. But it happens enough that people say all the time ” You have a weird laugh”

*Don’t touch me. If I like you, I will touch you. If I haven’t touched you first, and you touch me, it gives me the creeps. …also personal space. If I invade your personal space, then I have given you a nonverbal green light and we are besties and will soon create a secret handshake. Otherwise, don’t.

*I don’t care which way the toilet paper sits, or how the towels are folded. I don’t care if you half ass clean the kitchen. The bed, though, is either made completely or not at all.

*I can say all 50 states in alphabetical order in a tad more than a minute. Do NOT ask me where they are on a map.

*directions start out “get out on the big road and go towards the walmart…” They do NOT start “Go north on 59…” I cant find my way out of a paper sack. I got lost in freaking Foley, Alabama. That takes a special kind of talent.

*when I’m tired I will take my foot and rub it in a slow pattern along your leg or arm, until I fall asleep. But only with someone I trust, otherwise, I will ball up and rub my hands back and forth against my thighs until I fall asleep. If I rub you with my foot and I have sleepy eyes, I trust you.

*I am addicted to chap stick lip balm lip stick lip butter lip stain. I have photographic proof.

My father was in a very serious accident and we nearly lost him. He was terrified of being alone. He was afraid he’d die alone. So my brother and sister and I took shifts. Only my sister lives in Dothan and my brother was in the middle of a contract dispute, so I worked 40 hours, never saw my kids or husband, never slept and stayed at the hospital with my father. I went over a week without a shower. I was a walking zombie and he was a horrible patient. He was yelling or demanding or reliving his accident. And I tried everything. The more time we spent together the more I realized that he doesn’t know anything about me, nor has he cared to learn.

He mentioned one day that he wanted ribs for lunch. I called a buddy of mine that lived near the hospital and he pointed me towards a good bbq rib place. I left long enough to get lunch and come back. When we sat down he told me to grab a plate and dig in. He ordered a lot of food. It did not occur to me that he didn’t know. If you spend any time with me, you know. He’d managed to go my entire 36 years without knowing I don’t eat meat with bones. That fact settled around me and I calmly explained that I don’t eat meat with bones in it. And then he said to my face that I was a very strange woman, and perhaps I should try to be different. Perhaps I should try to change, be less odd. I should work on myself. I am not a confrontational woman, unless it comes to my kids. but that day, after I hadn’t slept or showered and was starving but wouldn’t eat, I snapped.

” I’m fine with who I am, I finally like myself, and Steve loves me, and I’m a good mother. Sure I’m quirky and odd. But I have accepted myself, after years of thinking something is wrong with me. If you can’t accept me, and the fact that I wont eat your precious ribs, go fuck yourself….. sorry I’m tired, don’t go fuck yourself. Just…I don’t care what you think of me. I’m quirky.”

And whenever anyone says I’m quirky or odd, or doesn’t understand me, even when they are joking, I always go back to this conversation I had with my father.

And there is always a bullet list of oddities in my head.


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