Stepping into the smoky room I knew this weekend would be a test of will and endurance. The love engulfed me instantly in the form of a blond beauty. Familiar faces swam around me as I made my way around the demos and vendors. Soft kisses from a Goddess made the room blur. Playful licks here and there. My partner in crime and I got mistaken for a couple. And that conversation with the pink haired Ms was a highlight.
Back at the hotel, fuck those boots. And that outfit. And that bra. Jeans and flipflops were the decision. I’m looking for comfort not speed. I have an endurance test I’m running with myself.
The woman at the front counter holds my hands when she sees my bald head. I know the questions will come but I don’t mind. She’s endured the same as me and wants to encourage me. Typically I find these encounters tiring. She fills me. I’m grateful.
A new friend arrives with my Goddess. Once you see a titty smasher thing up close your brain starts to add things. What if its frozen or sharpened or rope was added… but you don’t dare say these things to a Sadist. But then real conversations happen and they soothe and hold and protect. I talk too much but I know I must keep her with me as long as possible. She’s leaving soon and I must soak her in.
Leaving my room I’m a bundle of nerves and nausea. I locate the exits and the rest rooms.
I must find my old friend. I’ve made promises to her. Stepping into the hotel room, there she is. Hello Sunshine. Suddenly I’m in the place where love and lies mix. I hold on to hope. That’s all I can do.
Stepping outside the room I see him in his straightjacket. He places his scruffy chin against the port in my chest. There isn’t enough time. Thank you for the intimacy you shared with me.
Walking along the hall I need to find my partner in crime. My Goddess appears again and conversations of love and travel and pain slide across us.
It is generally decided sometime during my excursions into and out of rooms that I must go to the conference room. Freezy things are happening. There is my partner in crime having a freezing fireball hurled at her. She is excited and her cheeks are flushed. I leave her in her frozen element.
The panty destroyer finds me. Warm hugs and it happens. I tell him that when I’m well I’d love to explore possibilities. I trust him. He accepts with grace. He simply states that he would be honored to work with me. Not top me. Not hit me. Not do me. Work with me. He is classy and humble and this community is lucky to have him.
I need to sit. Its been hours. I know if I go to my hotel room I won’t leave. I can do this. The knowledge that I haven’t replaced what I’ve lost weighs on me but I push it aside. I find the room I’m always welcome in and sit.
Suddenly her eyes are glittering at me and he asks me to disrobe his wife. I tangle her dress in her hair and she engulfs me. I melt and slowly become a speck watching as the room transforms into a pool of liquid sex. I hand the two of them bottles of water and make my exit. I neglect to get myself a bottle.
I MUST lay down. I have an idea. I need to find my trusted top and talk with her. I can get wax dripped on me and relax. I can rest and still be a part of the excitement. I find her quickly. She is high. She is floating. I doubt she knows her name. I don’t mention the compromise I’ve made in my head. Another time. We’ve never played together before. She’s such a deep friend. I can’t help but be happy for her floaty feelings.
The night is winding down. My legs won’t hold me any longer. I’m officially dehydrated. I slide along the wall finding the floor.
I’m watching a scene between the blond beauty and the panty destroyer. I watch as balance tips and sex drips. I marvel at the mastery. Skin pinks and electricity pops. I’m immensely glad I’m sitting on the floor because my feet wouldn’t have held me.
I crawl across the hall looking for a hold. My ice Blue whirlwind is playful as she engages my kitten. She is unaware that my legs aren’t working. I suffer brief moments of panic. Ever the gentleman, the place I’m always welcome gathers me up.
A few more hugs. A great conversation. Some tears smear my shirt and I wipe his eyes. His collar is broken but I believe he can fix it.
I settle into my bed.
I don’t take medication for my symptoms much to my oncologist’s dismay. I listen to my body as it is finally allowed to swirl out of control. I drift and open my eyes four hours later.
I cry in the shower. Every emotion greets me and I know that I’ve pushed too far. I can’t fake it this morning.
My partner in crime knows this and once again offers meds. I decline. She picks up my slack and packs my bags as I go hunt down hydration. I’ve decided orange juice is juice from the Gods.
Breakfast is had at noon. Again I’m surrounded by love. Pure real love that doesn’t let me go. The woman I look up to, the soft soul with her sadistic side, my Amazon sister, catches my eye and suggests ginger ale. Oh these people love me.
The drive home is peppered with “Hotel bathrooms really echo the sound of retching” “she’s sooooo hot and nerdy and I need to lick her brain” “did you see me get petted?” “Its just a cold grape” “we had an entire twenty four hours to ourselves.”
I get home and my girls want to know everything. I give them age appropriate things. “I stole a towel. I have Thistle Dew socks. Look at this beautiful pink kitten. I need a nap”.
They make me eat soup and juice. My former Sir checks on me.
Before I finally drift into a glorious nap, I think of all of the people that trapsed through the halls of the Red Roof Inn, and into my heart.