I’m back at work and getting back into the swing of things.
Physically its whatever the word AFTER exhausted is. I kept thinking that I should feel better by now. But I just don’t.
My labs are off. I’m severely anemic. My PH is way way off. Something with hemoglobin and white cells. And something else they explained that I didn’t understand. Which just means I have to wait for my labs to level out before getting any scans.
Yes I’m back in the real world where chaos rules.
My girls each are getting away from caregiver mode back into just being kids. Fights with boyfriends. Bad grades. A police investigation. Cutting. The house is a mess. Abandonment issues. Body issues. The death trap car!!! Yep, I’m back in mom mode. The weight of being a single mom isn’t heavy until it hits you all at once.
Recent conversations remind me that I’m not ready to “get back out there”. I’m fine with that. I’m not anyone’s anything. The weight of that is too much for anyone to handle. I can be an island as long as I have porn.
I guess the world didn’t stop and wait for me. Bummer.
Now I have to play catch up. Okay I’m going to go very slow and work, play, parent, and rest as best as I can.
I’m going to breathe and not expect too much from myself.
Oh who am I kidding!!! I’m a mess.