I’m finding safe places to be myself. I’m finding that these safe places are very often next to my children.
I brought my oldest daughter to a play party. It was very low key with only a handful of people. She watched a Sadistic Top bottom to another married Service Top. She got to have a meaningful conversation with the wife. She watched a Dom interact with his sub. She surprised me by wearing a number of restraints. She’s decided that she likes having control over her own life and thinks she’s a kinky bottom.
I took my other two to a vanilla jewelry party. But when most of your friends are kinky, the party is sprinkled with kink. Floggers and knives were used for show and tell. The food was amazing and the conversation was fun. They are some of my favorite people.
When it come to my children, I love them. I love them more than I will ever love you. So for me to allow you into my world with my children means a lot. Believe me I have thought long and hard about showing my children this side of me.
They have accepted most things. But they are very quick to judge. I’m not the least bit surprised that they have been spot on. They called roles accurately. They pointed out the asshole I should steer clear of. The nice guy that wants you to think is an ass. The soft sweetheart that will kill you dead. The damaged Dom. They have yet to be wrong.
I taught them from a very early age to trust instinct over words. They go with their gut and aren’t afraid of the aftermath. I’m not worried about them in this world.
I also have very strong allies and I believe should I have any anxiety, one word and my children would have more protection than Fort Knox.
I no longer hide my Fet page from them. There is a line somewhere, I’m sure. I’m completely comfortable with pictures of Turtle’s amazing suspension work being left on my screen. The model is clothed and smiling. I wouldn’t ever leave a picture of a cutting such as Kupkakes for them to see, though, as beautiful as it is. One of my children is a cutter. I’d never leave genital up for them to see, nor a erotica journal. I can’t explain these imaginary lines where one kinky thing is okay and another isn’t.
I have had amazingly open conversations with all of my children about the why and how of it all. I’ve also had kinky conversations with friends that my children have participated in.
All of this openness isn’t easy. I certainly wouldn’t recommend telling unsuspecting children exactly where Mommy got the rope burn, welt, or bruise. What is currently happening within myself and with my children is YEARS in the making.
My friend Susie once said as she was waving a paring knife around “This is who I am, Baby. I ain’t changing. Take it or leave it.” I spent years hiding from my family and friends and from myself. It feels good to not hide a bruise or a conversation or a relationship.
I like this safe place. I’m glad my children are welcome on the edges of my safe place as well.
(I’d also like to add that my children are older)