There aren’t enough words. Or the words I have are inadequate. Or maybe words aren’t what I should express. I’m not sure how to talk about these vulnerable things.
I have the bad cancer with the bad chemo and an overprotective oncologist. I won’t air dirty laundry, I’ll only say that there is an insane amount of stress. All of this weighs me down.
And I have pushed and pushed and bottled things until I’m ready to burst. But instead I breathe.
I laugh because what else is left? I jokingly remarked that I’d be “homeless and hairless.” I’m a fan of alteration. This was funny to me.
Andy and Susie both took exception to that remark. And then Paula floated into my life. She enlisted April and Tammy.
I ate the food that was given to me and listened to plans. Cookies and tee shirts and toys donated for raffle.
I got a text to look under my doormat. A receipt for October’s rent lay against the cement. I picked it up not believing my eyes.
I got a phone call telling me that a baking party was happening. Chips were baking. Susie made every kind of cookie into one. Banana bread. Rain drove over late one night and played teacher. I am a very bad student. Haha.
Greg. Cory. Rhonda Cliff, the entire Pals, Sals, LBT. I simply can’t express how this community has wrapped me in its arms. Susie. Rain. Desiree. Amanda.
I could list name after name.
I’ve been mean, distant, angry, tired, overwhelmed. I’ve had tears brim to the surface only to be jerked back into Oblivion.
Willow read my chemo book first so I wouldn’t be too scared. Jacky colored my hair pink and massaged coconut oil into my hair.
I could go on and on and on. I really could. I’m overwhelmed by the kindness and support.
My port site isn’t healed yet but I have my first chemo treatment tomorrow. I’m ready. I’m ready to be done.
Today I’m depositing money into my empty bank account and buying encouragement stickers to put on my calendar. 16 treatments given in a “dose-dense”.
I know I wouldn’t feel this strong if I didn’t have this community behind me.
Thank you isn’t enough.