Cynical Kitten

I was young and naïve. I saw the world through rose colored glasses. I was always optimistic and encouraging. My husband once said that part of the reason he was attracted to me was because I had a big heart and always saw the good in people. I used to ask over and over why something bad happened until I could understand it. Sometimes something awful happening never occurred to me so I was always shocked at the actions of others. My Sir very painstakingly explained how someone could do whatever the thing is several times because I just didn’t get it.I’m an intelligent woman but the darker side of life took some explaining.

Now I’m older and things don’t have to be explained to me quite so often or in very much detail. Maybe its maturity, maybe its that I’m jaded.

I fear though that as the time passes and the years slide by that I’ll become cynical and sour. I feel it happening. Where are my pretty pink glasses and sunny disposition?

Have they been replaced with life experience and a snarl?

I haven’t taken a bath with candles and bubbles in a very long time. The other day I eased my body into the steamy water and closed my eyes. My hand knocked over finger paint soap Desiree gave me a while back. The last time I’d used them was with Heather last Summer. Thinking of her makes me so happy and sad at the exact same time. I quickly grabbed the different colors and smeared them across my body. I suddenly needed to recapture something I didn’t realize I’d lost.

I’d forgotten how much I love the little inside me. The adult in my brain slips away. The negative and cynical person who must anticipate bad things happening blurs and eventually fades.

I’m laying in the bath with dots of color all around me. I can’t remember the last time I’d let my little run free. Responsibility weighs me down nearly all the time. I love my little and the experiences I’ve had. I’d nearly forgotten. I can’t believe I’d forgotten.

I swirl the paint across my thigh and relax. I allow my mind to wander. I wander to a place where I believe in fairies. I wander to a place where I believed in good winning.

I wander to a place where I believe in true love again.

I wait as long as possible to drain the water.


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