I joined a gym. At this point it’s just a $20 fat tax. I had great intentions. I envisioned myself sweating and smelling like a wet sock. I even had a fantastic support system. My former Daddy was focused on positive thoughts and healthy attitude. He never mentioned my weight. I was all set. I was terrified I’d fail.

Instead I fainted at the gym, after my workout. I went all out. Sweat. Chest heaving. Then when I bent over to take off my shoes… Boom.

I was embarrassed and didn’t tell anyone. I clearly don’t know what I’m doing.

And I have a real hard time putting myself first while at the same time being really selfish. This type of contradiction is a talent.

So here I am with a gym membership…. And I’m scared to ask for help. And embarrassed of all the fat.

The thing is…. I could have asked. But I had one excuse after another.

And that’s really been my life as of late.

One fat excuse after another, terrified of failure, embarrassed to ask for help. And spitting in the face of everyone in my path to self destruction.


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