The condition is three long words I can’t pronounce nor spell. It is a thickness inside my uterus that may or may not lead to precancerous growth. The resolution is to take a hormone that my breast cancer really likes. No… I’m really not kidding. But he doesn’t want to remove my uterus because that’s really drastic. Yep. That’s what he said.
I would like both breasts removed, have a total hysterectomy, not take any HRTs, remove my port, go on about my day.
Do all of those parts make me a woman? Do they make me beautiful, curvy, sultry? When my left breast was sliced away I was assured over and over that I was beautiful. I was told that my superficial sack of flesh and fat wasn’t what made me a woman. Is that true?
What makes me a woman? Labia and ovaries? Nipples and estrogen? My uterus is strong, having cradled 9 pound babies. My pelvis sturdy, holding them straddled across my hips. My shoulders hurt and my knees ache but I suppose yours do, too. Does pain make me a woman? What about joy or suffering?
I love pink. I hate dirt under my nails and bugs frighten me. Does this make me weak, feminine, soft, lost?
If everything were taken from me, everything that you think makes me a woman, my uterus and nail polish, and I were just a human? What then? Am I still beautiful, curvy, sultry, strong, feminine, soft…. Weak?
If all of my feminine parts that make me a woman were cast aside, would you love this human that is no longer a woman? Or does being a woman come from my soul and flesh is simply a casing?
I don’t think cancer should have the power to dictate what makes me a woman.
I am a woman in my soul. I am not lost.