Strange twists

I have felt like I’m thisclose to getting my life together finally, for a few months now. But set backs and bad decisions litter my path. I’ve had help emotionally, physically, and financially to get me here. It would be unfair of me to just quit now. But dammit… Life is hard. 
I’m trying to wake up every day and get out of bed with a smile on my face. I am. The amount of people that believe in me baffles me. But I made a list of the things I need and want. And I’m going to mark them off. On the list is the word HAPPY. I can’t wait to mark it off the list. 
An old friend that has been on the fringes of my life for years showed up with a dryer still in the box. Words didn’t form. An old love shows up now and again to sprinkle me with feel goods. My brother walks in my door just to check on me. These people want me to succeed. 
It’s a strange twist to have people build you up rather than break you down. 
Let’s not get excited yet, I’m still me and I lay awake and wonder if I’m crazy like everyone says, I stare at the ceiling and wonder if Steve is okay. I toss and turn and think of Chad in his  bed snuggled with his new love. I get up and open my little ones’ doors, checking. I hope these decisions are good for them. 

I wander into my kitchen and find a cookie sending out vibes to the universe as a beautiful thank you.My life is still a mess but this strange twist feels good. 

I really am thisclose. 


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