It’s not an anniversary I ever wanted but now that I have it…

I’d like to celebrate. 
I started Chemo today one year ago. I remember my first port access. The drip of premeds. I got strong fight or flight urges. Both happened at the same time and the nurse tells me to remain calm. He’s talking very fast because he needed me to retain a bunch of important information before my brain clouded. 
Then the poison drips. Almost immediately the symptoms begin to stack and stack and stack. 
16 treatments later I no longer recognize the me from the first treatment. From October 6th to February 16th my world became cancer and chemo. 
I slowly started to rebuild my life after that. Now I have a life I’d like to celebrate. 

I want to be worthy of celebration. I’m not there yet. Next October 6th I will be strong and sure. 
Maybe I’ll throw a party. 


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