Today is the day I wake up and slowly panic. Today is the day I calm myself over and over. Today is the day I can’t fake it and everyone will see my cracks. Today I look over my shoulder for the boogeyman. Today my insecurities, fears, jealously, and anger hold my chest tight. This is the portion of the program where I scroll through my contacts looking for positive reinforcement. This is when my decisions become self destructive. This is the day I take nudes and send them to my ex lovers, purchase a bottle of wine and drink it all before 3, cry hysterically in the shower, and hope like hell my brain stops it’s torture.
Why? Simply because today is the day. No other fucking reason. I woke up like this, turned on the coffee pot, and as I watched the liquid drip, my chest started to squeeze and my eyes filled.
Luckily today will become yesterday, eventually.
I just have to hold on until the moon kisses the sky.