Everything is fine. Honestly. It’s fine. I have been in worse positions.
After the doctor drained the fluid in the office, within 24 hours my abdomen was full again. He sent me to the hospital to have a drain placed again. This time the drain was in my lower abdomen, frustratingly where my waistband is. I’ll skip over the pain of the procedure and cumbersome nature of the bag attached to the bottom of the drain.
Two long weeks later, I’ll again skip the graphic description of the removal. I’m instructed to get in the bed, wear a binder, and wait three weeks.
Three more weeks.
I also learned something I feel like I should have known about before I consented to this surgery. Remember when the surgery was going to be a DIEP flap? But it had to transition to a TRAM flap? I did all my research on DIEP flaps.
Part of the reason my abdomen looks misshapen is because they took the left lower abdominal muscle. They did not take the right lower abdominal muscle.
Don’t you think that information is something I should have? Along with “Your drains will be placed in your groin area, the scar will not be in your bikini line and hidden but actually across the center of your stomach”?
So I have keloid scars on my ribs from the drains that I can deal with. Scars that are in my groin from the drains that has puckered my mons. An off center belly button and the sutures to create the belly button have left keloid scars. And a hip to hip scar with puckered skin at both ends of the scar. My abdomen is sunken in on one side, comes to a literal point in the center, and flattens out on the other side. The flat part is where they left the muscle. It causes the other side to look sunken. The dip from above my scar to below my scar is so drastic it creates a shelf.
I’ve been wearing my binder as tight as I can and still be able to breathe, I’ve been resting and letting my abdomen heal. We are trying very hard not to have open wound vac surgery to remove the fluid. I do not want to wear a binder forever. One of the goals of this surgery was to not have to deal with pain constantly.
I fear I’ve traded one pain for the other.
Hey but at least my reconstructed boob looks great so what the fuck am I complaining about, huh?
Once I heal, even if I don’t have the open wound vac surgery, I still have the other symmetry surgery to match my existing breast to the new one. I don’t know that I have the fortitude or desire to do this again. I’m lopsided and misshapen anyways so what does it matter?
Oh you can have “finishing surgery” to clean up anything that’s healed incorrectly. It’s not covered by my insurance because it’s purely cosmetic and costs thousands of dollars and more recovery time.
So I’m just laying in the bed doing the same thing over and over and over and over ……
Just hoping that for once, something goes smoothly.